I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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