I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize