It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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