He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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