ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
