I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
