There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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