it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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