I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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