No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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