Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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