I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
