Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
