I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
another moral hangover. fuck.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
