So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
