It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
