so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
