Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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