my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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