you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize