I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
