my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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