we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my sisters under your porch take her home
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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