I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
