I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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