things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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