Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
