ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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