Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
3 2 1 whiskey
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
