If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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