You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
