I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
