I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
