And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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