did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
