i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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