my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
