And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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