Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
