Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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