at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize