dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
