from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
birth control should be required to get into college
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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