they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
