she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
