I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You're like the curious george of whores
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
