i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
