I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
