Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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