If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize