We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
