I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
