with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
