We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
