Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize