i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
