I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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