watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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