I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
