can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
