Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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