if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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