my phone needs a breathalizer
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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