I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
