How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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