Soap is not a condiment
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
