You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
