Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
