Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize