so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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