If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
