Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
