i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
