then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
