turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
