Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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