Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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