too bad you live with your parents still
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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