Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
