brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
