i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
