dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
