i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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