I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
