I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
