I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
