I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
