I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize