My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
