im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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