His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
