Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
