we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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