She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
