I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
