I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
