the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
