loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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