my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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