and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
