and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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