I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
