I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize