dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
