i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
